Archive for the Musings…. Category

Queen Latifah reveals she was abused….

Posted in Givin' You The Bidness!, Inspiration & Encouragement, Musings.... with tags , , on June 11, 2009 by Toiah

Queen Latifah has come forward and reveale the sexual abuse she experienced as a child… Revelation is the first step to healing and I am proud of Queen for coming out and telling the truth. It is a shame that sexual abuse is a very common occurrence for many women and girls.

Statistics reveal that 1 in every 4 women have been abused, and this is only reported cases. I am currently in the process of starting a non profit organization called LOVE ANGELS. Love Angels will be a safe haven for female victims of sexual abuse… Our program model will include, group therapy sessions where women can share their stories in a group of their peers s, and receive information and resources that will put them on the path to true healing and wholeness…. The goal is to get full healing from the residue of abuse and encourage women to understand and know that they do not have to live as victims for their entire lives. We want them to live whole, healthy and happy lives, even after abuse and this is possible with God’s help! Queen Latifah’s story is below… For more, get July’s Essence Magazine.

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Queen Latifah opens up in a new tell-all interview regarding her sexual abuse as a child.

Latifah said she was abused by a teenage boy who was put in charge of her. “He violated me,” she tells Essence magazine. “I never told anybody; I just buried it as deeply as I could and kept people at an arm’s distance. I never really let a person get too close to me. I could have been married years ago, but I had a commitment issue.”

Latifah says she didn’t tell anyone till the death of her brother when she was 22 years old. “I had to get it off my chest. My mother felt terrible. She was kind of a country girl, so she wasn’t up on how slick people could be. When I told my dad, he said nothing,” she tells the publication.

The Cover Girl says for many years she blamed herself for the sexual abuse she endured but after speaking with her therapist she came to terms with it. “I was a kid, and I had no power or control over the situation. I really wish I’d had the strength and the knowledge to say something sooner, because I always wondered, Did he do that to someone else? But I accept that the time for action has come and gone.”

For more with Queen Latifah — including her feelings regarding her sexuality and weight loss — check out the latest issue of Essence magazine, on newsstands June 12.

Someday We’ll All Be Free… Walking in Love

Posted in Inspiration & Encouragement, Journey with me..., Musings.... with tags , , , on December 3, 2008 by Toiah

Every once in awhile I like to reflect on certain historical events… When I saw this particular video, it brought a tearful, yet triumphant reflection of our forefathers who sacrificed and suffered greatly, so that we could experience the freedoms we have now.

My heart is grieved when I watch the news and see our young (and old) black men/women fighting and hurting each other… They are killing what the many people before us worked so hard to protect and preserve. During times of segregation, Black folks worked together as a team to stomp out the spirit of hatred, division, and violence against our people. We sought God and took proper action. In peaceful strength and diginity, we locked arms & hearts while marching and spreading the message of love and rightful acceptance…

Have we forgotten the struggle? We cannot afford to forget where we came from and who fought so that we could be here… President-Elect Barack Obama is truly more than just a Black President… He is a living representative of the blood, sweat, and tears of those who paved the way…

Even though the days of Jim Crow and segregation appear to be long gone (I think it still exists in subtle forms, but thats another post) what are we doing to stomp out division & strife in our individual lives with our loved and not-so-loved ones? Are we allowing prejudice, hatred, and confusion to rule or are we following the path of love?

Love never fails, but we often fail love… Love is the most valuable thing you can give AND possess. You will be amazed at what unfolds, when you lay down your weapons (and boxing gloves) and show someone the powerful tool of love… I challenge you to try it, and get back to me with the results..

The God of NO LIMITS!!!

Posted in Inspiration & Encouragement, Journey with me..., Musings.... with tags , , on November 21, 2008 by Toiah

Its been awhile since I’ve had a musing… But I am back! And, I am back with a message for the children of the Living God! Please know that you serve the GOD of NO LIMITS.

I have been praying about limits this week… over and over I kept getting scripture and devotional readings that confirmed God was speaking about the fact that we are the ones that put limits on Him! Everything I read was talking about taking the limits off and inviting abundance in your life. How do we do that? Faith, Trust and Action… Faith that God can do it. Trust that He is going to actually do it. And the necessary action to make your dreams/desires come true.

We can no longer afford to be afraid of the unfamiliar. We cannot sit around apathetically wanting more but not actually trusting God to DO more. When it comes to God, action will not always seem logical. Action will not always mean DOING something. It might be God saying “Be still & know that I am God” or maybe it will require you taking some steps to put the dream or desire into motion… whatever the case may be, let GOD lead you in the path He wants you to go. When he talks, be obedient and willing. It is the Lord’s good pleasure to see us prosper and be at peace. He wants the very best for us, even when things don’t appear to be ‘best’…

Letting go of the old (whether an old attitude, mindset or thought pattern), will open your hands and hearts to recieve the new. Taking the limits off, means also realizing that what God has for you is most likely far greater than whatever it is you wanted for yourself. Whether that is a career, a ministry, finances, health, or a relationship… Whatever! God WILL do exceedingly, abundantly, above all you can ask or think according to the power that works in you.

Are you willing to exercise your God given power and move forward, even when the familar is comfortable? Its all up to you… just remember, you serve the GOD of NO LIMITS! Here are just a few examples of what our NO LIMIT GOD can do…

  • Sarah & Abraham- Having a child when she was 90 and he was 100.
  • Jesus, conceived by the Holy Ghost and being born of the virgin Mary
  • The Children of Israel, leaving Egypt and crossing the Red Sea to freedom on dry land
  • Jesus feeding 5,000 on 5 loaves and 2 fish, having 12 baskets left over
  • The sun, moon, stars and sky
  • The ocean
  • The animals
  • YOU!
  • Jesus, laying down His very life for us (no man could take his life, He willingly laid it down), then rising on the 3rd day with all power and victory in His hands!!

If God can conquer death, HE can do anything!! So again, take the LIMITS OFF OF GOD!! Be blessed!

Below is another devotional I received today…

Limiting God – November 21, 2008  

 

Don’t try to put any limits on Me, beloved.  Don’t even think about putting limitations on Me and My ability to perform on your behalf, because there are no limits to My ability, no limits at all!

 

So hear Me today. Take My words to heart.  I am a capable God.  I am a God of extremes.  I will go to any lengths to perform mightily on your behalf, so don’t even entertain the idea that I could ever fail you.
  
Don’t try to put limitations on Me and what I can do, dear one.  Put your whole trust in Me.  See that the outcome will produce many wonderful scenarios in your life.  Rest in this knowledge.

Now remember:  Don’t even entertain the idea that I would EVER fail you.  I will never fail you.  Put no limitations on My ability to perform on your behalf, no limitations at all. Trust Me to perform mightily on your behalf.  I would never disappoint you.  I could never disappoint one of My own.  I am capable and I will perform in a mighty way on your behalf.  Keep this in mind.  Yes!

 

Replace those doubts with this truth:  Your God’s desire is to bless His very own, beloved.  He is capable and that is just what He is going to do!  Trust Me in this, beloved.  Trust Me to deliver My best and know deep within your heart that you serve a good God Who is quite able to show Himself mighty on behalf of His dear children.  Trust Me.  Watch Me and know the rich quality of My will as I shine forth the light of My glory and offer to you the peace and sustenance for which your heart seeks, for which your heart cries.  I won’t let you down, beloved.  Never!  No, never would I let My very own beloved down!!!

 

 

Psalms 42:11  Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God.

Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,

Psalms34:9-10  Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry,  but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

 

Couple of the Year Award Goes to….

Posted in Musings...., The Big O!! :) with tags , , , on October 24, 2008 by Toiah

BARACK AND MICHELLE OBAMA!!

What do you see when you look at these pictures? I see a happy, healthy, strong, peaceful, passionate and kind couple…  Working together to accomplish an important goal even when you are tired, taking care of your family and putting them first even when you are on the campaign trail to your dreams… 

I am sure that Michelle always knew Barack was destined for greatness, but did she imagine in her wildest dreams that her husband would one day run for President of the United States? She has taken on her duties with love and pride. You can see it every time they are together… This my friends is what real love looks like!

Choose your life partner wisely, they need to accomodate not only where you are but where you are going… Choose the person that will bring out the very best in you and help propel you into your purpose. With the right mate by your side you can flourish, bloom and blossom into an even greater you!

Barack & Michelle certainly chose the right partner, don’t you think?! Now let’s all choose the right President!

**Special thanks to Jasmine for forwarding these wonderful pictures to me 🙂

The Raging Storms of life…

Posted in Journey with me..., Musings.... with tags , , , on October 23, 2008 by Toiah

I have to admit I have had a rough couple of days… I have discovered some information that has me bewildered to say the least. I also realize that because of this one of my very personal dreams may be shattered right before my eyes and I will have to start all over again.

This has nothing to do with a relationship or even another person, but it does have to do with my livelihood. Right now I am struggling for answers to my questions and I don’t know what path to take. All I can do is put my trust in the Living God from Whom my help comes from. He is my Source and Strength. Without Him I would be completely lost. Knowing this fact, helps me to move forward and to pursue peace… even when the storm rages all around me, I must determine to have peace.

I know that this too shall pass but in the meantime, I must pray, trust and believe in the Lord Jesus. This is just another part of my life journey and I take each step with God as my Guide.  He has not failed me yet and He won’t fail you either! If you are in a storm… quietly trust in God. Even the winds and waves have to obey Him!

MORE of… What Makes Men Cheat?

Posted in Givin' You The Bidness!, Musings.... with tags , on October 20, 2008 by Toiah

I found this article online. MORE information on why men cheat. Interesting stuff here.

Counselor M. Gary Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men’s infidelity.

What makes men cheat? Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman dug through past research on male infidelity and found that most answers came from the wife’s point of view. “Wouldn’t it make more sense to ask the guys?” he thought. So for his new book, “The Truth About Cheating,” Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men’s infidelity — including what cheating men say could have prevented them from straying. Here, some of his findings:

48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.
So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about physical intimacy: Only 8 percent of men said that physical dissatisfaction was the main factor in their infidelity. “Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is to have physical intimacy with someone,” Neuman says. “But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they’re appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they’re trying to get things right.” The problem is that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won’t always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. “Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked,” Neuman says. “But you can create a marital culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness — and once you set the tone, he’s likely to match it.”

66% of cheating men report feeling guilt during the affair.

The implications are a little scary: It isn’t just uncaring jerks who cheat. In fact, 68 percent of cheaters never dreamed they’d be unfaithful, and almost all of them wished they hadn’t done it, Neuman says. Clearly, guilt isn’t enough to stop a man from cheating. “Men are good at compartmentalizing feelings,” Neuman explains. “They can hold on to their emotions and deal with them later.” So even if your partner swears he would never cheat, don’t assume it can’t happen. It’s important for both of you to take steps toward creating the relationship you want.

77% of cheating men have a good friend who cheated.

Hanging around friends who stray makes cheating seem normal and legitimizes it as a possibility. The message he’s subconsciously telling himself: “My friend is a good guy who happens to be cheating on his wife. I guess even the best of us do it.” You can’t simply ban your husband from hanging out with Mr. Wandering Eyes, Neuman says, but you can request that they spend their time together in an environment that offers less temptation, like at a sporting event or a restaurant for lunch rather than at a bar or club. Another strategy: Build your social circle around happily married couples that share your values — it’ll create an environment that supports marriage.

40% of cheating men met the other woman at work.

“Oftentimes the woman he cheats with at the office is someone who praises him, looks up to him, and compliments his efforts,” Neuman says. “That’s another reason why it’s so critical that he feel valued at home.” Luckily, there’s a clear warning sign that your husband is getting a little too cozy with a colleague: If he praises or mentions the name of a female coworker more than he would a male counterpart, your antennae should go up — and it’s time for the two of you to set boundaries about what is and isn’t okay at work, Neuman says. Is it acceptable for him to work late if it’s only him and her? Can they travel together to conferences? Have dinners out to discuss a project? Ask him what he’d feel comfortable with you doing with a male colleague.

Only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife.

In other words, a man doesn’t stray because he thinks he’ll get lucky with a better-looking body. ” In most cases, he’s cheating to fill an emotional void,” Neuman says. “He feels a connection with the other woman, and physical intimacy comes along for the ride.” If you’re worried about infidelity, focus on making your relationship more loving and connected, not on getting your body just right or mastering how to please him physically. (But know that physical intimacy does matter — it’s one of the key ways your guy expresses his love and feels close to you, so be sure to keep it a priority.)

Only 6% of cheating men had physical intimacy with a woman after meeting her that same day or night.

Actually, 73 percent of men got to know the other woman for more than a month before they cheated. This means that you may have time to see the warning signs before infidelity occurs — you might even see it coming before he does. Keep an eye out for these common signals: He spends more time away from home, stops asking for physical intimacy, picks fights more frequently, or avoids your calls. Your gut reaction may be to confront him, but most men will deny even thinking about cheating, especially if nothing physical has occurred yet. Instead, Neuman suggests, take charge of what you can control — your own behavior — and take the lead in bringing your relationship to a better place. Don’t hesitate to show your appreciation for him, prioritize time together, and initiate affection more. Give him a reason to keep you at the front of his mind, Neuman says. And be open about how you feel about what’s going on between the two of you (again, without mentioning any third parties). Try “I think we’ve started to lose something important in our relationship, and I don’t want it to disappear.” In the meantime, commit to keeping tabs on your relationship and doing what it takes to keep it working for you. SOURCE: Nicole Yorio from Redbook

 

My two cents: The only thing I have to say is STOP THE MADNESS! There are no excuses. If you are married, honor your vows! If you are having issues, share them with your spouse and TRY to work it out without resorting to cheating. And if you are not ready to be faithful, then do everyone a favor and DO NOT GET MARRIED!
There are consequences for every behavior. So think about the consequences before engaging in the act.

Encourage Yourself….

Posted in Inspiration & Encouragement, Journey with me..., Musings.... with tags on October 15, 2008 by Toiah

Some days are good, some days are not so good. Today is just one of those days. I have alot on my mind & as I work toward becoming a better woman and Christian, I realize there is much work to be done. It can seem quite overwhelming at times when you are determined to walk the right path in life. Often it may seem as if the right way is the slow way and no blessings are coming…but indeed they are.

On days like today, it is simply my faith that holds me. Even when circumstances don’t look right, when I may not have a friend to talk to, or a sympathetic heart to turn to, I have to trust God’s plan for my life. And I do this because He has not failed me yet! God is always right on time. He has an solution for every problem and an answer for every prayer. Even when it looks like God is not moving, trust and know that indeed He is…

When you have done your all, simply be still and KNOW that HE IS GOD. God is Faithful… Encourage yourself in the Lord!

Mike (Mic) Barber is the winner!!

Posted in Entertainment Edibles..., Musings.... with tags , on October 7, 2008 by Toiah

The I Want to Work for Diddy finale was fantastic! Mike Barber and Suzanne both won the contest, fair and square. When Diddy initially chose Suzanne, I was dissapointed because I have been a Mike Barber fan since the beginning. I could see the dissapointment in his face when Diddy chose Suzanne. But, when the plane stopped and the door opened, I knew that Diddy was not going to leave an excellent worker like Mike behind. The main reason I am fan of Barber, is beacuse it takes alot for a grown man to humble himself and basically serve another grown man.

That fact alone tells me that Mike is driven and willing to do whatever it takes to suceed. Even when he made mistakes, he was humble & gracious and learned from it.

I’m sad to see the show go… And personally, I would NOT want to work for Diddy but I am very happy that Mike will be! He has the swagger, ambition, and the ability to handle everything that comes his way. This is just a stepping stone to greater things for him. Congrats to Mike Barber!

Check out Mike’s interview here!

A woman’s perogative… LOL!!

Posted in Musings.... with tags on October 7, 2008 by Toiah

dead.jpg picture by Toiah2007

Lets talk about… ONLINE DATING!

Posted in Musings.... with tags on October 6, 2008 by Toiah

What is the deal with online dating?  Its not as taboo as it used to be, but I cannot seem to get used to the idea of meeting someone online! What happened to the way we used to meet folks? In the streets?? (Not literally, but you know what I mean) LOL!  

Please share your good and not so good, stories here…  🙂